Different
by Minnowfang
Summary: Oh, Bluefur. If only this was different - if only I had been born in Thunderclan, if only I was perfect. --BSP SPOILERS, Crooked x Blue


I remember the day we met - the moon shining brightly in the sky, cats from all clans crowding together, pelts brushing against one another and the steady purr of voices echoing through the large crowd. Leaders sat atop stones, foliage falling off of trees and brushing against our leader's pelt, who shook the leaves away without a second thought. I was old for an apprentice, and the others seemed to shy away from my touch, glancing away from my own glance.

Everything was exciting - the bubbly Thunderclan barely casting a glance at us, Shadowclanners twitching their whiskers at us, irritable and hateful. Windclan had not yet arrived, but all the same, the leaders were getting impatient, their pelts bristling at one another, tension alighting into the air, soft as a feather. I was content with sitting alone, until my brother, Oakheart, told me to get off my rear and socialize; after all, once he was deputy, I would want someone to socialize with at the gathering. With a dip of my head to my brother, I instantly set off through the swarm of cats.

I was within my own thoughts, letting them wash about me without thinking, and before I knew it, I had slammed into another cat - such a small creature, her blue-gray fur glinted in the half-light, and I could see irritation glinting in her emotional eyes before being replaced with confusion as she stared at me, eyes warming on my crooked jaw. I swallowed a little growl of anger at her; she would have to do as a friend. She couldn't be more than a kitten, and certainly couldn't attack me without breaking the sacred truce.

"Hi," I mewed, letting a little of my 'smile' glint through my eyes. "I'm Crookedpaw."

And our little friendship began. Of course, it was only instinct to show off in front of the young she-cat, but she responded differently than I had imagined. And even though the meeting had started, we whispered through the entire things, speaking of mentors and prey. We were hushed by the older warriors, but still spoke; and even though I felt the slightest hint of unease, I reminded myself that as a deputy of Riverclan someday - I hoped - I would have to be kind to Thunderclan, ease up our broken relations. So we spoke. And when I found out that Bluepaw would become a leader - a dead-set goal - I revised my own goal. Together, we could bring peace with our clans.

Of course, things always change. I hadn't seen her in a while, and of course, the others had seen my time with the blue-gray apprentice. They always started making accusations. '_weak in both body __**and**__ spirit, are we?_' one would yowl, and my mentor carefully doubled over the training that covered the weak relations with the other clans. However, even though this was meant to **reinforce** my training, I felt it had the opposing effect. If fact, I felt myself lurching forward, falling fast for the spunky she-cat. My days were filled with warnings, and my nights were filled with dreams.

Ahh, the dreams. They were wonderful, vivid dreams. Dreams of us, together. Sometimes I was in Thunderclan forests, sometimes she cast herself into the waters of Riverclan. Dreams of secret affairs - although if they were Starclan sent or simply manifestations from my imagination, nobody would know. In fact, these desires I whispered to nobody, not even my closest friend and sibling, Oakheart. These dreams were kept to myself; nobody would want to hear of them. Even I felt shameful time and time again, after dreaming of her perfections.

And then everything changed. The battle. I had done everything I could to not get sent, not face her and her wrath, but ended up being one of the ones of the attack anyway. I tried to avoid her - tried to edge away from her even as she progressed towards me. Finally, I shook away my fear. Maybe, if I fought her, then my clanmates would stop ridiculing me and teasing me. I turned to face her, puffing out my chest and hardening my gaze. I stalked towards her, feeling a pang of pain scorch through my heart as happiness flashed through her eyes.

"Crookedpaw!" She called, just like she would in my dreams. Shaking away the thought, I stepped forward. It was killing me, but it had to be done.

"We're enemies now..." I murmured, and pounced at her, ready to harm my beloved. She couldn't feel the reluctance that I felt pouring through my veins, but I felt it. Perhaps that was why I was sluggish to feel the pain as she nipped my leg. I was impressed, but I fought hard. And I felt that I was going to win, win back the trust of my clanmates, as another appeared.

The glow in this one's blue eyes was the same as Bluepaw's - I was already assured that this had to be some relative. Together, they fought me back towards the river. Hesitantly, I looked around, searching for someone to help me. Oakheart broke apart from his battle for a moment, glancing my way, cornered against the river. He nodded, mouthing to me, _go before they kill you. _Would they do that? Would Bluepaw, the cat I had known for so little yet forever, be ready to kill me within a heartbeat? Apparently. The anger in her eyes was clear, and I turned back, jumping into the river, running away.

I had my warriors ceremony that night. Exhausted, I stood in front of everyone. I was thanked for my realism and bravery, something I had not thought of true, even though my friends and mentor looked at me approvingly - all that drilling _had _paid off. But I still felt that yearning towards the gray she-cat. And that yearning sticked, even as I learned the next moon about her receiving her warrior name. Perhaps before, we could have ran off to one another's clan, but now that was impossible. I tried to give up, especially when I saw my brother, Oakheart, become interested.

And now, moons later, I survey the small kits Oakheart has laid before me. They smell like her; maybe he thought I would forget, but I couldn't possibly forget that foresty scent, even as it lay hidden beneath snow and fern scent. I can smell Bluefur beneath all that. I glance into Oakheart's eyes. He says he needs them to stay here - and the gleam in his eyes is just like the gleam that would glow in the needy eyes of the parents. I stare at them - their dark pelages look like Bluefur's - maybe mine.

Of course, that would never really happen. And I knew that she had seemed happy - I had seen her eyes wander towards Oakheart, especially at the gatherings, and I found scent trails leading across the border from Oakheart. And I knew the kits were his. And as I stared up at his hopeful gaze, I finally sighed my acception, a simple, "Okay."

To a father, it would mean the world. And of course, Oakheart was over-the-top pleased. Sending him away, I settled within my nest, drenched in the moments of sorrow. _Oh, Bluefur. If only this was different - if only I had been born in Thunderclan, if only I was perfect. Maybe, if I didn't have such a crooked jaw, would you love me? _And these thoughts were what carried my into a dreamless sleep.

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**It took about an hour to write, and I couldn't recall a lot of events that happened in Bluestar's Prophecy. I thought this was a sweet pairing, and so I decided to make a story on it. Crooked x Blue = love, you know? R&R, flames welcome :3 -still can't believe that there were NO crooked x blue stories despite the shippings in bsp-  
**


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